“Narcissistic abuse” is the term used to describe the emotional abuse aimed at the unsuspecting partner of the narcissist.
If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, you are guaranteed to get pricked along the way.
Here are just a few of the many “gifts” the narcissist bears::
• Entitlement: Forget “Yours, Mine, and Ours.” In the world of the narcissist, it’s “Mine, Mine, and Mine.” Period. A friend of mine was married to a narcissist for over thirty years, helping her husband build a very lucrative business. In true narcissist form, he decided he deserved “better.” Upon leaving he told her, “I don’t want to share.” (No doubt the judge had something to say on this.)
• Monologue Conversations: Every conversation is about him. (or her.) This is not a two-way street: “Enough about me… what do you think of me?” (Although a true narcissist would never utter the words, “Enough about me…”)
• Hoovering: Narcissists are [in]famous for their disappearing acts, followed by multiple returns—sucking you right back into that black hole of a relationship. Remember: they suck. After being sucked back in following the first three of my ex-husband’s exits, I finally filed for divorce. To quote my divorce attorney, “Marriage is not a revolving door.” (Clearly he was not married to a narcissist…)
• Devaluing: Over time, the narcissist will begin to “devalue” you—this is their means to retain control and superiority. This is often subtle and insidious (such as, withholding of affection, attention, and validation)—a slow and gradual form of torture to keep you off-balance and insecure. There may be unusual criticisms as well. Several years ago I was told by my then-husband that I was “too Jewish.” (Huh??) I’m still not sure what he meant by this; as I recall, it had something to do with my interrupting and talking too much, which is somewhat ironic given the lack of two-way dialogue. (See “Monologue Conversations” above.) Woman on Wire— that was me, desperately struggling to keep from falling into the abyss of rejection.
• Accountability: Sorry, no. Narcissists are experts at The Blame Game.
• Reciprocity: No again. It’s all take and no give. With the sole exception being the beginning of the relationship—when they first suck you in.
• Rewriting History: To quote: “I never said that.” “I would never do that.” Right.
• The Twin Powers: Deflection and Projection: Any ugliness you see in them is reflected back onto you… a reverse Medusa effect of sorts. (This is a superpower trick that takes major expertise and practice… and the narcissist has mastered it.)
• A Grand Façade/Persona: Preferably projected onto a large screen a la “The Wizard of Oz.” Authenticity need not apply here. Grandiosity? Check. Superiority? Check.
(“Who was that masked man?”)
• Entitlement: (See Reciprocity above.)
• Empathy: Nope. No fucking way.
A word to the now-wise:
These emotional vampires will bite, suck, and bleed you to death if you let them.
Beware the prick of the narcissist, emotional vampire, and leech.
These are pricks you do not need!